Wednesday 28 February 2024

#NCEArefresh - mini reflection

Mini reflection #NCEArefresh 

I've been pulling apart different articles, short stories and docos with my Y11s. For the majority of them - they're connecting with the ideas, learning how to identify the diff lang techniques quicker and becoming more confident when they get it wrong, to just try again. 

Am still having trouble with encouraging those who just don't want to engage ... But for now - I'm forging ahead with those majority who want to try. And it's pretty exciting. 

I've longed for this [actual teaching] for so long. Without the time constraints of assessment and management of the task etc - it's been really freeing to see our kids engage with texts, different levels of analysis and understanding.

#evolutionandimagination #burnoutcomeback

Sunday 14 August 2022

Reconnecting with my Why...

It's been a while, hey. 

Recently I was reminded about the power of WHY. 

Why I chose to become a teacher...

Why I continue to be a teacher...

And an ongoing thought - that I've lost my mojo. 

I simply don't enjoy being front and centre anymore. I feel like I'm putting on an act that has been so overdue to be cancelled that I don't know why it continues. 

Me. 

When I first started teaching - I was eager asf. I wanted to change the world. I thought I was. Every day. Every single class. Every tauira. 

Over time, I started to see the reality. That there are good days and bad days. More often than not - there are bad days that become bad seasons and then sometimes when there is a glimmer of hope ... And other times when that hope is so bright that it blocks out all of the possible dark clouds looming...

My love for teaching is still there... Dormant I guess. 

When people ask - I always say I love teaching. And I do. 

What other profession can you get so excited about, encourage others to grow and also scold in the same bloody second? 😂🤦‍♀️ 

I just miss the old me. The girl with the stars in her eyes. The one who never backed down from a challenge. The girl who looked into the face of her enemies and thought strategically how to best solve solutions. 

I feel like the fight in me has gone. Like I've just accepted that there isn't much at all I can do. That I actually have no power over myself or my own space. 

Someone asked me recently if I felt undermined or that I'd become disempowered. And totally. There's definitely those feelings there. 

But to give up, run off and restart? I just don't have the energy. 

And I don't think I have the energy to keep going either. 

This year is my eleventh year teaching. 

I remember when we talked about the fourth year being the hardest... To make it to five years in teaching - in this climate ... Was something short of extraordinary. 

I made it this far. 

Four pracs, two failed, two passed - both in which I understood how racism and power play was systemic in school systems and structures. 

Three schools. All with their own pros and cons. 

I feel like I'm at a cross roads. 

Like I don't know what the next step is. 

We're smackbang in the middle of Term 3. 

Three years in with our old pal Covid-19 and the ongoing effect it is having in our education of the next generation. 

It's hard. Every single day. Masks, mandates, vaccines, sanitising surfaces, stress about sneezes and coughs, ensuring safety and open windows in spite of the cold weather. 

It's a daily struggle. Day in, day out. 

Add in the turbulent mental health of both teachers and students, whanau and our community...

The ever decreasing levels of literacy...

The ever increasing expectations from the community and our BOT to make shifts and improve our data

The overwhelming pressure of never being able to catch up or succeed. 

The serious stress resounding every single corridor, corner and classroom. 

It's a surprise we even have teachers left in the field as it is. 

Having given up lots of my extra responsibilities over the last year and a bit ... NZATE, PPTA, De Luxe Theatre, etc etc etc.... I am trying to reconnect with me. What I want... Who I want to be. 

I once had aspirations of becoming a principal. 

But I've realised that even as a principal - you still wouldn't be able to elicit real change. 

It makes me so cynical.

What is it that I can actually achieve myself? 

Who have I even made a difference for in the end? 

I honestly just feel like I've lost my why. I've forgotten what it is that I want and where I want to go. 

I'm just going with the motions and hoping for the best at the moment. 

I never wanted to be this person. Sure, I wanted the success, the financial stability of having bought my first home, the honour and privilege of having tauira who listen and engage with me. But what does it all account for? 

What does it all really mean? Who am I really benefitting right now as a teacher?

My one saving grace at the moment is my Drama class. They're amazing. They remind me to have fun and get excited again about teaching. I'm excited to have more drama fun with my mate RS. She is freaking phenomenal and an absolute superstar. Hopefully we do get to do some tean teaching next year in the music, drama and acting space. 

I recently talked to someone about me being their constant reset button. That they only come to see me when they need to be redirected in their life. 

I've just realised that by me not writing my thoughts out for so long - I've left all these thoughts to crowd my creativity and stop myself from being my best self. Why did I stop writing? 

I got busy. 

Riley.

Crystel. 

Life. 

But writing is still and always will be my passion. 

Gardening has been helping recently too. I just need to keep going. 

And write more. 

Reconnect with my why. ♥️

Sunday 3 July 2022

Impact of the 1907 Tōhunga Suppression Act - Real-Life Example

Had an awesome korero with a young man today. What could have been an ongoing aggressive situation was resolved with calm, enjoyable korero and lots of te reo Māori. 

We shared our stories, he told me his whakapapa and his own journey. He shared his ups and downs and talked about the whanau past and present who tautoko him. He talked about wrong turns and although we didn't get to talk about future plans and aspirations - I'm hopeful that he gets help and can find that inner peace he's seeking. 

The korero today was a reminder of how important it is to address mental health issues and look for the underlying issues - rather than just medicate for the sake of medicating. Lots of our young people are gifted with the ability to see beyond the veil, and for many of them, like this young man - it's a constant struggle to navigate. 

With a stronger mental health system that has a dedicated support and education programme designed to understand Whare Tapa Wha and the holistic view of a person -- we might see more well people, less crime, less māmae and more positive outcomes ♥️

More active acknowledgement is needed of our taha wairua and understanding that there is an ongoing negative impact from the 1907 Tōhunga Suppression Act. If this young man had been given support in this area - his life could have been so different. 

Far... Just imagine if our tōhunga didn't have to hide our indigenous knowledge... and if they had been able to share that with us over the last five generations.... Where would be now?

Ka aroha bub. Ka manawanui. Ka tūmanako. Pai marire ♥️

Friday 25 February 2022

The Biggest Brainstorm You'll Ever Need Ever

Kia ora koutou! I had a brain wave at 3am the other morning and tested it out with two of my junior classes this week. 

Do any of your students struggle to use their imaginations and come up with original new ideas for their writing pieces? 

Try this! 

A two page spread in their books (defs could be done digitally too!). 

Title: The BIGGEST Brainstorm You'll Ever Need, Ever! 

They fold their pages in half lengthwise and then half again - creating four columns on each side of the spread. Eight columns in total. 

Column titles: Character Names, Personality Traits,  Settings/Places, Environments, Events, Problems/Resolutions, Objects, Themes/Issues. 

I gave the kids 5 mins for each section to populate their lists as much as they could. 

It became very competitive and of course, very collaborative too. And I may have cheated a few times by looking at movie posters in class for ideas and names 😂 and listening to the kid's ideas in their groups. 

Arohamai for my messy writing 😁


It looked different on the board (because some kids organised it like that rather than my actual instructions 😂🤦‍♀️). But essentially it's eight columns with heaps of pre-planned ideas for creative writing. 

The kids will choose a few ideas from each column before starting to flesh out those ideas further prior to writing. 

Let me know if you try it!

Thursday 9 December 2021

End of Year Reflections - 10th --> 11th Year Teaching

Ugh. Feeling thankful asf right now. Reflecting at the end of my 10th -->11th year of teaching. 

Thankful to my Massey High whanau for supporting me in my first couple years teaching and being the beautiful role models I needed in my life. 

Thankful to the Heights whanau for your support, love and light in EVERYTHING that went on for me in those six years. You guys got me and knew my passions and what I wanted out of life. You guys agitated and inspired me to grow and aspire to achieve new challenges and experience heaps of different opportunities. You saw the darkness and the light and helped me navigate ♥️ even if at times it was via brute force and telling me to go home instead of staying at kura for aaaaaages 😂

Thankful to the OC whanau ♥️ for understanding the complex family dynamics and supporting me through these last three years. For encouraging me to give myself love and support and for reminding me to take a moment for myself, rather than putting all my energy into everyone and everything else. 

To my English Dept - whuuu -- you wahine are AMAZEBALLS. Love you all so much. I'm always so excited with all the ideas and planning and discussion we have. 2022 is going to be an awesome year. 

To all the colleagues and kaiako mates from across the country and around the world - THANKYOU ♥️ your aroha and support mean everything. Ngā mihi e te whanau ♥️

Tuesday 26 January 2021

2021...

School tomorrow! First Teacher Only Day of the year. 

I am nervous, excited and worried. 

Nervous because I have my appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow morning. 

Nervous because I'll be connecting with someone new and telling them my story. 

Nervous because what if I don't get the diagnosis I expect?

Excited because what If I DO get the diagnosis I expect?

Excited because I can see my colleagues again after a somewhat (never long enough!) holiday break. 

Excited because I can sit with my team and plan the year out more specifically. 

Excited because there are new people joining my team!

Worried about not completing tasks I'd aimed to do during the holiday break. 

Realistically - everything will work out as it should do tomorrow. I don't need to be worried. 

I spent the holiday break learning more about myself, grounding myself, removing and shifting trauma and restrictive memories/blocks from my psyche, building more confidence and self-love. 

Appreciating my journey, grateful to my younger self for being so resilient, thankful to those people who have been guiding me throughout my life and who continue to do so. 

Grateful that I have such incredible friends and whanau that support me - no matter what. 

Excited.... Because I think I'm right in my diagnosis.... 

But also -- what will it change? 

I will know a deeper layer to myself, give validation to my whanau who have the same symptoms and help lay a stronger pathway for myself to get more concrete (pun intended) coping strategies and techniques. 

Here's to 2021... Because anything has to be better than last year 🙌🏽💛 

Here's to 2021 -- the year I make my own dreams come true. 

Here's to 2021 -- where we see success, happiness and determination thrive in our community. 

Here's to 2021 -- positivity, acceptance and self-love 💛🙌🏽